In the early morning hours of a chilly, March day, in the great year of our Lord, 1999, the life of little Blond Betty Beadwhore, suddenly and unexpectedly took a turn for the better.

While wiping off her sandy feet on the dusty pavement of a Los Angeles beachwalk, Blond Betty Beadwhore's blue eyes suddenly caught sight of a fancy flyer waving in the wind. Putting on her sandals and pushing back her blond hair, Betty Beadwhore drew upon the flyer in suspicion of its splashy artistry. Upon closer inspection, Blond Betty Beadwhore found the flyer to be an advert announcing the upcoming celebration of Mardi Gras, which was taking place upon the great street Bourbon, in great city of New Orleans, during the great year of our Lord, 1999.

"Well!" said Blond Betty Beadwhore out loud, " What a tantalizing advert! Surely this festival must be something someone in the wide world around me, must know about!" If only Blond Betty Beadwhore could convince that someone to spare a moment of their time, then her fascination with the fancy flyer would be assuaged.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!" Blond Betty Beadwhore batted her eyes at a handsome young fellow, who was skating by with a drink in his hand, " Surely you must know about the great celebration of Mardi Gras, in the great city of New Orleans, on the great Street of Bourbon? Could you please tell me something about it?" The handsome, skating drinker looked at Blond Betty Beadwhore and smiled, " What is your name? " he asked. " Blond Betty" she responded, for Blond Betty never told anyone her full name, for her full name of Blond Betty Beadwhore was generally too much for any handsome young man to respond to, without displaying unnerving excitement. " Well, Blond Betty, " he responded, " Mardi Gras is the great festival, in the great city of New Orleans, celebrated of course, to honor the great tradition of women showing their ta tas for the reward of bright beaded baubles, being thrown at their luscious chests!"



  And with that, the handsome, skating drinker, was off again.

"Beads and Breasts?!" shouted Blond Betty Beadwhore, looking down at her own busty bosom, " Wait!" she yelled to the skating drinker, who looked over his shoulder at her.

"These beads you speak of? Where can I find them? "

As the handsome skater moved into the rising sun, Blond Betty Beadwhore shielded her blue eyes to better see him, but to no avail (the skating drinker was shrouded in a ray of early morning light) " Why, Blond Betty" he shouted back, " in the great city of New Orleans, simply take to the streets, and handsome young men everywhere will shell them out to you !!!" and into the sunrise, the handsome skater disappeared.

Smiling after him, Blond Betty Beadwhore realized her destiny was complete. Finally, a world in which her strange name could make a difference!!

One week later, on the great street of Bourbon, in the great city of New Orleans, in the great year of our Lord, 1999, Blond Betty Beadwhore had set up a wonderfully splashy advert of her own, on a perfectly suitable corner in the middle of the great Mardi Gras celebration. Blond Betty Beadwhore's advert read:

"GET YOUR BEADS HERE, BEFORE BEADWHORE SELLS OUT!" and in flocks they came, in droves, even, buying Blond Betty's baubles by the dozen.

This enterprise, you see, came from an innocent mistranslation on that dusty sidewalk situated by the salty Pacific Sea. As it was, that day the handsome skater breezed away from Blond Betty Beadwhore, she thought she heard him say, " just take to the streets, Blond Betty, and handsome, young men everywhere will sell them out to you !" and being that Blond Betty Beadwhore believes women can do anything they set their minds too, and most importantly, anything a man can do, off she went to the great city of New Orleans, to that great street of Bourbon, to prove that not only handsome young men can sell beads, but that Blond Bombshells with the last name of Beadwhore, know how to sell them even better!!